I have what my students consider a pretty weird habit - when I see them make mistakes, I do a little happy dance and celebrate. Like, I literally do this. You would not believe the looks I get! Early on in my career as a learning support person, I recognized that making mistakes was really hard for most and quite possibly all of the young people I worked with. I found this phenomenon fascinating and troubling. Where did this need for perfection come from? Why was making mistakes and messing up so difficult for my students to accept? Turns out, I didn't have to look far to find some of those answers. In fact, I only really had to look inward. I had to admit that making mistakes was hard for me too and so many others. So, where does this need to be 'perfect' come from? And, is it even a worthy pursuit? Is it even possible to achieve it? And, what is the impact when we strive so hard for it and don't allow ourselves the grace to mess up? What is the impact on our neurodivergent kiddos? What Fuels Our Quest for Perfection? The need for perfection can come from a mix of different places. We live in a world full of societal expectations that push us to achieve and achieve big time! Different family dynamics and different cultural expectations can also set the stage for unrealistic standards for success. Social media doesn’t help either, constantly bombarding us with comparisons that can make anyone feel inadequate. Many people develop perfectionist habits as a way to shield themselves from the fear of failure, tying their self-worth to their accomplishments. Plus, things like low self-esteem, certain personality traits like being overly conscientious, and cultural pressures can feed into this quest for perfection. Understanding where these needs come from can be super empowering, as it helps us recognize how to shift those perfectionist tendencies into a more balanced, accepting approach to our goals and who we are! Perfectionism and the Impact on Inclusivity in Learning Spaces When we talk about perfectionism in the context of education, it’s important to consider how this kind of pressure can weigh heavily on students from diverse backgrounds, learning styles and abilities. The relentless push to conform to this 'perfect' ideal can lead to feelings of inadequacy and alienation, making kids feel like they don’t belong in academic spaces and, quite frankly, can lead to them just stopping trying altogether. This isn't just about grades either; it’s about self-worth and identity. Making space for mistakes, mess-ups and foibles and embracing a variety of learning styles and perspectives is essential for creating an educational environment where every student can feel welcome and feel good about how they show up as learners.. In my experience, chasing perfection has a massive impact on our kids' (and our own!) learning experiences. See, perfectionism often comes bundled with irrational standards and a huge fear of failure. For neurodivergent kids—those with ADHD, autism, or learning disabilities—this pressure is amplified. The constant pursuit of flawless performance can make tasks feel really overwhelming, leading to procrastination or even a refusal to start. The anxiety that comes with striving for perfection can stifle their creativity and make learning a huge hurdle rather than an adventure. Recent studies suggest that high levels of perfectionism in children are linked to mental health issues, particularly when children are self-critical. So, what does this perfectionism look like? It 's easy to spot it, actually - it's that little voice, that inner critic, that tells us that if we're not perfect, we’re not good enough. What does this look like in neurodivergent kiddos? Well, it can look like a massive fear of making mistakes, setting overly high standards for themselves, procrastination, having a really hard time receiving feedback, emotional outbursts when things don't go to plan, avoidance of challenges or all-or-nothing thinking. While it’s great to encourage our kids to strive for good work, the quest for perfection can actually hold them back and it can prove detrimental when it comes to learning. So, how can we start taming that voice inside our heads and start letting go of this fruitless pursuit? And, how can we help our amazing kiddos do the same? 1. Identifying the Inner Critic We can start by encouraging your child to recognize when their inner critic is speaking. Help them articulate what this voice says and how it makes them feel. Sometimes just naming it can diminish its power. Teach them to challenge these negative thoughts by asking questions like, “Is this thought really true?” or “What would I say to a friend who feels this way?” Encourage your child to treat themselves with the same kindness they would offer a friend. Remind them that everyone makes mistakes and that imperfections are part of being human and are part of the learning process! 2. Embrace Progress Over Perfection Try to shift focus from perfection to progress. Encourage your child to celebrate those little wins—finishing a tricky assignment, or finally grasping a concept they’ve been wrestling with. When they see their growth instead of obsessing over a perfect outcome, their motivation skyrockets, and the joy of learning comes back into focus! 3. Create Inclusive Learning Environments We also need to recognize how perfectionism can affect neurodivergent kids in school settings. The relentless push to conform to a narrow definition of success can make them feel inadequate and out of place. By nurturing inclusivity in our learning environments, we're honouring diverse learning styles and experiences. Celebrating these differences fosters a sense of belonging that benefits everyone and helps create a supportive and inclusive community. 4. Promote Creativity and Exploration When we let go of perfectionism, we give our kids the freedom to experiment and explore. Encourage them to try different study methods or engage with their learning materials in fun new ways without the fear of failing. This exploration can lead to more meaningful learning experiences and help them discover what truly works for them. 5. Build Resilience Together Our kids need to know that mistakes are simply part of the process. By viewing setbacks as stepping stones, they’re more likely to keep pushing forward and learn from each experience. Let’s support our kids in developing a growth mindset and remind them that every successful learner has faced hurdles along the way. It’s not about how many times they fall; it’s about how many times they get back up! 6. Set Realistic Goals Help your child set achievable and realistic goals. Instead of striving for perfection, focus on mastering subjects or improving study habits gradually. Set smaller goals in incremental steps and celebrate each small achievement. Take some time to reflect and celebrate what your child learns when they don't reach their goals - focus on what they learned from the small setback. Grounding their goals in reality not only makes them more reachable but also allows them to enjoy the learning process! Letting go of perfectionism doesn't mean lowering your standards. It’s about promoting a healthy perspective on learning. By encouraging your child to embrace imperfection, you’re helping them reduce stress, boost creativity, and build resilience—helping them to become more courageous and engaged learners! So, the next time you notice that perfectionist's voice starting to creep in, remind your child (and yourself!) that it’s perfectly okay to be a little messy along the way. Real growth happens outside our comfort zones! What steps are you taking to help you or your child let go of perfectionism in their learning? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

Have you ever heard the expression, "Knowledge is power."? I don't think I ever really understood on a deep level the truthfulness of this statement until I started working with neurodivergent kids. I developed an even deeper understanding of this statement when my son was diagnosed with ASD and ADHD in his early twenties. This statement became even more relevant when I, myself, was diagnosed with ADHD later in life. Knowing who you are- your strengths, your limitations, your abilities and the way your brain works can be an amazing key to unlocking your success - whatever that means for you. There are lots of ways a person can learn more about themselves these days. There are countless personality tests, strengths assessments, values quizzes - the list goes on. One of the most powerful assessments out there these days, in my humble opinion, is the learning styles quiz. Learning about how you learn can change the game for how you approach learning and it can empower you to not only understand yourself better but it can empower you to advocate for yourself in any environment, really. So, imagine if you could help your child learn more about how THEY learn? Imagine that your child can unlock their own learning potential and imagine seeing their confidence soar and enthusiasm for learning bloom! So, what exactly are learning styles? In simple terms, learning styles are ways people prefer to absorb, process, and retain information. While everyone is unique, many learners can be grouped into a few main categories. 1. Visual Learners If your child loves to doodle, relies on charts, or remembers things better with pictures, they might be a visual learner. These kiddos can benefit from graphs, infographics, and color-coded notes. Encourage them to use visual aids in their studies or let them create mind maps to organize information! 2. Auditory Learners Does your child enjoy listening to music, podcasts, or stories? If they find themselves humming along to a catchy tune or repeating things out loud to remember them, they’re likely an auditory learner. For these children, discussions, verbal instructions, and audiobooks can work wonders. Encourage them to verbalize their thoughts or study in groups where they can talk things out! 3. Kinesthetic Learners If your child can't sit still for long, preferring to pinch, poke, or physically engage with their environment, they may be a kinesthetic learner. These kids learn best through hands-on experiences and movement. Incorporate activities such as role-playing, building models, or even using fidget tools to help them stay engaged while learning new concepts. 4. Reading/Writing Learners Some kids thrive on the written word! If your child loves reading novels, taking detailed notes, or writing stories, they likely fall into the reading/writing category. These learners benefit from reading assignments, essays, and written explanations. Encourage them to express their thoughts through journaling or creative writing to reinforce their understanding. Why It Matters Understanding your child’s learning style is helpful because it allows you to tailor their learning experiences to fit their strengths. When kids learn in a way that resonates with them, they’re more likely to retain information and stay engaged in their studies. This personalized approach can help them feel more motivated and a foster greater love of learning! Taking it a step further, engaging them in the process of learning and understanding their learning styles can give them a sense of confidence as they move through their learning and life paths! How to Discover Your Child’s Learning Style So, how can you identify your child's learning style? Start by observing how they approach tasks. What methods do they naturally gravitate toward? You can also ask them questions about how they prefer to learn—do they like watching videos, listening to explanations, or getting hands-on with activities? There are even fun quizzes available online that can help pinpoint their style! One of the best quizzes I've found online is THIS ONE . Give it a try and see what you think. Discovering our learning styles is something we also do in my Study Squad Group Online Course . It never ceases to amaze me when my students uncover this for themselves. It's amazing to see the AHA moments and the sense that puzzle pieces are falling into place when they learn about how they learn best. Embrace the Exploration It’s totally normal for kids to have a mix of learning styles too, and they may adapt their preferences based on whatever they're learning. The goal here is to create a supportive environment where your child feels empowered to explore more about how they learn and learn in a way that suits them best. Learning more about learning styles (yours and your child's!) is definitely a journey worth taking. By understanding and embracing your child’s unique learning preferences, you’re setting them up for success and helping them build a solid foundation for lifelong learning. I’d love to hear from you! What learning styles have you noticed in your child? Share your thoughts in the comments below! Visually Yours!

Holidays and school breaks can be exciting times for children with ADHD, but they can also be challenging times for them too. The change in routine, increased social demands, and the excitement of fun trips or free time can be overwhelming. Given that Spring Break is coming up this month and families will have a good chunk of free time, I thought it would be helpful to offer some tips for supporting children with ADHD during Spring Break. These tips can help any child so even if your child doesn't live with ADHD, feel free to explore and try out some of these helpful tips! Keep in mind, these tips can apply to any sort of holiday break including summer holidays and winter break so be sure to bookmark this blog post for future reference! I hope you find these suggestions helpful! TIP #1 Stick to a routine Children and especially children living with ADHD thrive on routine, and holidays can disrupt their usual schedule. Try to maintain some consistency in your child's daily routine, such as consistent mealtimes and bedtimes. This will help your child feel more secure and less overwhelmed by the changes in their environment. TIP #2 Set clear expectations Communicate with your child about what is expected of them during the break, such as behaviour at family gatherings and any special events they will be attending. Use visual aids, like a schedule or a checklist, to help your child understand what will be happening and when. TIP #3 Provide opportunities for physical activity Children with ADHD often have a lot of energy, which can be difficult to manage during the holidays. Make sure your child has opportunities for physical activity, such as going for a walk or playing outside. This can help them burn off excess energy and feel more calm and focused. TIP #4 Limit screen time Screen time can be particularly challenging for children with ADHD, as it can overstimulate their brains and make it difficult for them to focus. Limit your child's screen time during the break, and encourage other forms of entertainment, such as playing board games or doing crafts. TIP #5 Build in quiet time Holidays and large chunks of free time spent with family can be overwhelming for anyone, but especially for children with ADHD. Build in some quiet time for your child each day, such as reading a book or doing a puzzle. This will help them recharge and feel more calm and centered. TIP #6 Plan for transitions Transitions can be difficult and holidays often involve a lot of transitions. Help your child prepare for transitions by giving them a heads-up when a change is coming and providing clear instructions about what they need to do and what they can expect. TIP #7 Be flexible Finally, be flexible and patient during the break. Understand that your child may have some difficult moments, and try to be supportive and understanding. Remember that breaks are times for joy and togetherness, and with some planning and preparation, your child with ADHD can enjoy the holidays just as much as anyone else. No matter what your plans are for the coming break, know that you definitely can make them enjoyable and stress-free. But, let's be honest, even if you can't or don't incorporate these tips, know that you are still doing a great job and your child will thank you for the memories you are making! Download your *FREE* ADHD and the Holidays Workbook to give you some tools to start implementing today!

As I sat in the doctor's office waiting for confirmation of my test results, my heart pounded in my chest. I had taken extra time to answer the multitudes of questions honestly. I really thought about the truth of my current life and my life experiences leading up to this day. For, quite possibly, the first time in my life, I had decided to answer the questions from a place of complete transparency without a thought of what people would think. I answered honestly about having to heavily rely on people in my life (mostly my husband) to remind me of details and to complete simple tasks at home. With a shaking hand, I checked the box of "VERY OFTEN" beside the question of how often I am distracted by activity or noise around me. I answered the questions with complete honesty and the results came in...ADHD. I had known for a long time that something was different about me. Growing up, I was the kid who always "kind of" fit in but didn't. I was always on the periphery. I had masterfully found ways to seem "normal". Smile, keep your mouth shut, wear the same clothes as everyone else, pretend to understand people, pretend to enjoy parties and loud clubs, pretend to enjoy socializing, pretend to be smart, pretend to have it all together, pretend to like the same music. Pretend, pretend, pretend. I had been brilliant at reading the room and sussing out who thought what and what was acceptable and I molded myself according to whatever and whoever was in the room. I morphed and changed like an amazing chameleon. I was a rainbow of personalities depending on who I was with. Looking back, I was quite adept and I perfected the art of burying my real self in response to whoever I was with at the time. To the unbelievably sad point where I had no idea who my real self was. I decided that I would make people like me and love me by selflessly giving and giving and giving forgetting myself completely in the process. I gave things, I gave time, I gave my heart, I even gave my soul in some instances. I decided that I would make people like me and love me by selflessly giving and giving and giving forgetting myself completely in the process. Even though I had no idea who I was, I always knew that whoever I was was different. What I didn't know was why. I had my suspicions, though. I thought maybe it was because I was the child of immigrant parents. I thought maybe it was a product of my upbringing. Or, maybe it was just the fact that I was broken. In the years leading up to this day, I had explained to my husband that I was just "broken". I sympathized with him apologizing to him about the fact that he had chosen a broken person. He never understood it but I did. Broken was the best way to describe my experience. Everyone else always seemed so put together. Broken was my truth. Until the day the results came in. Suddenly, the "broken" descriptor didn't quite fit. Suddenly, I had a reason for my experience. Suddenly, I had an explanation for the way that I was that wasn't my fault. Suddenly, I wasn't broken. The words that I had spent years saying to my students with ADHD now applied to me. "You're not broken, your brain is wired differently." The words I had offered as a soothing balm to my students were now words I could tell myself. And yet? I broke down in tears. In the weeks following the confirmation, I grieved so deeply. I felt incredible grief at the lost time, lost opportunities, lost connections. I grieved for so much loss. I grieved for the lost possibilities. What would it have been like if had known this as a kid? Who might I have been? Knowing the truth unlocked a cage of some sort for me. I was now able to shed the shackles of "broken" that hung around my ankles and was free to embrace who I was. But, oh no! WHO WAS I underneath all of the pretending and all of the masking? Broken was my truth. Along with the deep sense of grief, I also had a massive feeling of relief. Relief that there was finally an explanation for my experience. Relief that I would no longer have to apologize for my brokenness and relief that I had A REASON. And, dare I say, I even experienced a strange sense of gratitude for finally having a name and a reason for it all. For years, I had felt like I was failing, walking through life as an empty shell. Changing my colours based on other's opinions. Perpetually worried that I would disappoint people or do something to make them mad at me. The constant impending doom I felt when I thought someone would reject me was real and I felt it daily. I struggled with procrastination, forgetfulness, and impulsivity. On the outside, it appeared that I had it all together. I made sure my house was clean and tidy when people came over. When they weren't there? Chaos. I would always get my projects done on time but behind the scenes, I left things to the last minute and got them done through a flood of temper tantrums and tears. I made appointments for myself and kept them but often woke up in the middle of the night worrying that I forgot something, never remembering to put my appointments in the calendar or setting reminders for myself. In the constant search for dopamine rushes, I would soothe myself by online shopping and buying things that I didn't need and sometimes didn't even really want. All for the excitement of buying the thing and waiting for it to arrive. I couldn't understand why I had these unbelievably incredible moments of super focus where I could achieve boundless creativity when working on a project. People had called me "random and scattered" because I had so many interests and had pursued and considered so many different career options. I started books and never finished them. I started shows and never finished them. I started hobbies and never pursued them beyond the first couple of tries. It all didn't make much sense until my diagnosis. It all felt broken. And then? Suddenly, it all had a name and a reason. As I continued to experience all of the same things, I saw them through a different lens. One by one, each trait was a puzzle piece falling into place. So, now I am faced with the question of how to navigate a late ADHD diagnosis? Unaware of my ADHD, six months ago I had signed up for an ADHD Life Coaching certification in order to gain skills to support my students and other potential clients with a diagnosis of ADHD. Oh, the irony! So, as I began the course, I then received my diagnosis. A perfect storm. The things I am now learning as a person with ADHD and as an ADHD Life Coach trainee are life-changing. Not only am I learning to be a coach who is present with their ADHD clients, I am also learning to be present with myself. I am learning to see all of my quirky traits simply as traits...not as faults and to meet them with a softness rather than frustration. I no longer scold myself so much when I mess up or neglect to finish something I started. I am learning to be gentle with myself when I notice myself doing something that is indicative of my ADHD. This couldn't be a greater gift and it's a gift that I get to give myself again and again. My husband now has a deeper understanding of the person he signed up to live with and I think I can say that he would tell you that it has been a relief for him as well. The greatest challenge in all of this, though, has and continues to be the unmasking. The peeling back of the layers and layers of personalities that I have created in the name of fitting in and being accepted. I am still on this journey and it's a gut-wrenching process filled with fear and apprehension. Why? Because what if? What if the people in my life don't like the person underneath the layers? What if they leave? What if I get rejected? The "what ifs" are abundant! I am still navigating this path and am learning who my support people are and strengthening my support team with new people who understand what it means to have an ADHD diagnosis and unmask. I am learning to connect with people on an honest heart-level and ask for help. I am learning that it's OK to reach out. I am learning that I am not an island and that I am not broken. And so, the learning continues. Just when you think you are too old to learn something new or that you've got things figured out, a new perspective rolls in and joins the party and shows you that things can be different. What you thought was your truth may just be an old story that you've been telling yourself your entire life. I am learning that it's OK to reach out. So, consider this my ADHD coming out story. Not everyone in my life knows it yet but they do now, I guess? It's scary to put it out there but I do this in hopes of giving others who may be struggling with symptoms the permission to seek out answers for themselves. It's ok, no matter what your age, to seek answers. It's ok, no matter what your age, to learn to adapt and change. It's ok, no matter what your age, to choose new perspectives and grow. IT'S OK! And it's Ok because it's never, ever too late. And I will fly my freak flag and say that I hope to be peeling back the layers and discovering things about myself right up until the day I pass. I will embrace my ADHD self and pursue interests and drop them in a hot minute if I decide to because I love to learn. I will embrace my down days when I can't get off the couch and I will relish in the days when I am a jackass doing stuff that is weird and ridiculous. I don't have a choice...it's in my veins, it's in my soul and I'm OK with that. There's no denying that getting an ADHD diagnosis mid-life is a rollercoaster of emotions. But it's also a HUGE opportunity for growth and self-discovery. I'm still figuring out how to navigate this new chapter in my life, but I'm excited to see what the future holds. I'm old but I am not finished. In fact, I feel like in some ways I have only just begun.